Don't Be Afraid to Ask for Help

For a long time, I hated asking anyone for help. Not my friends, not my parents, not even my kids. I thought I should be able to deal with everything myself.

But I've come to believe that relationships are the most important thing in life. Feeling like you can depend on people, and that they can depend on you, makes your life so much more rewarding. That's true in your personal life, and it's true in business.

This guide is about what changed for me when I started reaching out, and how you can start doing the same.

Why doing it all yourself feels normal

It's really easy to think we can manage everything by ourselves.

For me, it wasn't just about work. I didn't want to lean on anyone, even the people closest to me. Asking felt like admitting I couldn't handle something.

What I've learned is that the opposite is true. Life is better knowing that other people can support you. And once you let them, you're in a much better position to offer that support back.

Stop worrying about what people think

Since starting my business, I've met so many people. Somewhere along the way, I quit caring what people think.

That shift has shown up everywhere. I take a dance class at the gym, and I've stopped worrying about how I look doing it.

The same mindset is what lets me introduce myself to people. When you're not worried about how you'll come across, reaching out gets a lot easier.

One conversation can build a network

I met a colleague on LinkedIn. I saw a comment she left on a friend's post and just reached out to her.

We met. She referred me to some local groups. Most of my Portland professional network has come through her.

I've branched out on my own since then. But her advice when I was getting started made a real difference.

It all started with one message.

Introduce yourself, even when it feels awkward

When I went to Intuit Connect last year, I made myself walk up to people and introduce myself.

It felt really awkward at the time. But I did it, and now I feel much more like part of a community.

That first introduction also makes everything after it easier. Once you've already connected with someone, asking questions feels natural. I hope it works the other way too, so people won't hesitate to ask me questions.

People are happy to share

When I've asked peers how they set up their systems or what tools they use, they've been more than happy to share. A lot of how I've set up my own firm came from conversations like that.

People don't mind sharing what works for them. And when you ask someone for advice, you're showing them you trust them. Everybody wants to feel like the way they do things is valued.

Those conversations go both ways, too. Because we all do things differently, I get a broader sense of the world and how I want to set things up.

Asking for help goes both ways

This applies outside of work too. A few years ago, I needed to see a doctor. I asked a friend to take me, even though I didn't want to.

Recently, I got a text from a friend who is going through a hard time with her parents' health. I was so grateful she reached out, because it meant I could support her the way she has supported me.

It was something I could easily do, and it made a difference. That's what these relationships make possible.

Pitfalls to avoid

These are general guidelines to keep in mind as you start reaching out more:

• Waiting until you feel comfortable: The awkward feeling may not go away before you act. Introducing yourself anyway is usually what makes it easier next time.
• Only reaching out when you need something: Relationships grow when there's give and take. Share what you know, check in, and offer help when you can.
• Assuming people are too busy: Many people are glad to share what's working for them. Asking a specific question makes it easy for them to say yes.
• Keeping personal and professional support separate: The habit of asking for help carries across both. Practicing it in one area makes it easier in the other.
• Forgetting to follow up: A single conversation is a start. Staying in touch is what turns a contact into a relationship.

Simple ways to reach out

If you're not sure what to say, these general starting points can help:

• Reaching out online: "I saw your comment on [post] and wanted to connect. I'd love to hear more about how you [topic]."
• Introducing yourself at an event: "Hi, I'm [name]. I run [firm/type of work], and I've really appreciated your perspective on [topic]."
• Asking about tools or setup: "I'm working through how to set up [tool/process]. Would you be open to sharing what's worked for you?"
• Checking in on a friend: "I've been thinking about you. How are you doing, and is there anything I can help with?"